Player's Feeds

You want to get married. It’s taken a while to admit it. Saying it out loud — even in your mind — feels kind of desperate, kind of unfeminist, kind of definitely not you, or at least not any you that you recognize. Because you’re hardly like those girls on TLC saying yes to the dress and you would never compete for a man like those poor actress-wannabes on The Bachelor.

You’ve never dreamt of an aqua-blue ring box.
Then, something happened. Another birthday, maybe. A breakup. Your brother’s wedding. His wife-elect asked you to be a bridesmaid, and suddenly there you were, wondering how in hell you came to be 36 years old, walking down the aisle wearing something halfway decent from J. Crew that you could totally repurpose with a cute pair of boots and a jean jacket. You started to hate the bride — she was so effing happy — and for the first time ever you began to have feelings about the fact that you’re not married. You never really cared that much before. But suddenly (it was so sudden) you found yourself wondering… Deep, deep breath… Why you’re not married.

Well, I know why.
How? It basically comes down to this: I’ve been married three times. Yes, three. To a very nice MBA at 19; a very nice minister’s son at 32 (and pregnant); and at 40, to a very nice liar and cheater who was just like my dad, if my dad had gone to Harvard instead of doing multiple stints in federal prison.
I was, for some reason, born knowing how to get married. Growing up in foster care is a big part of it. The need for security made me look for very specific traits in the men I dated — traits it turns out lead to marriage a surprisingly high percentage of the time. Without really trying to, I’ve become a sort of jailhouse lawyer of relationships — someone who’s had to do so much work on her own case that I can now help you with yours.
But I won’t lie. The problem is not men, it’s you. Sure, there are lame men out there, but they’re not really standing in your way. Because the fact is — if whatever you’re doing right now was going to get you married, you’d already have a ring on it. So without further ado, let’s look at the top six reasons why you’re not married.

1. You're a Bitch. · 2. You're Shallow. · 3. You're a Slut. · 4. You're a Liar. · 5. You're Selfish. · 6. You're Not Good Enough.

Fans and lovers of Jay Jay Okocha from all over the world joined in astonishment to celebrate the silver jubilee of his marriage.

The footballer and his wife hosted a gigantic party in Maldives to mark their marital bliss and her 50th birthday.

Don't waste your age , and time building a relationship that doesn't have strong foundation, positive direction , and full of lies or pretence.
Know when to let go any meaningless relationship .
Don't stay too long date anyone that's not ready to take a good responsibility or to make you his or her life partner.
Don't be fool

This is what it takes to make 2k!!!🤞for some Men.

It takes a labourer over 10hrs to earn that 2k...

It will take Brother Daniel to sell 40gig to make 2k.

It will take a gas station/ refiller to sell 40kg of gas to customers to make the 2k.

It will take some teachers days to work for the same 2k.

A laundry man will need to iron 20 clothes to make that 2k.

It will take bike man to work for hours under a scorching sun to make that 2k.

It takes some barbers to barb four customers to make that 2k.

Ask those selling biscuits, they will have to sell a lot of cartons to make that 2k.

Some will say Ordinary ₦2k? 🤦‍♂️.
But.... it's Urgent.
Haven't you heard about urgent 2k?

It is not easy to get 2k but easy to spend.

Just close your eyes, do 1gig sub, take bike, and buy gala. The 2k is gone in minutes.

Always *APPRECIATE* those that give you the 2k when you need it.

Do not marry someone that you love ;marry someone because you share the same values ,,because you can grow and evolve together ,because you have mutual respect for each other..

Love is fleeting :Love is created out of emotional connection and emotional intimacy …now ask yourself how many emotions you go through in a day …

So if you are in love and you focus only on the emotional part of the relationship without looking at the human connection,that relationship won’t last …It will exist for so long and wither…The human connection is paramount to keeping the relationship more than the butterfly in your tummy kind of feeling…

10 Purposes of Marriage

1. Companionship: “Then the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him” (Genesis 2:18). “Do two walk together, unless they have agreed to meet?” (Amos 3:3).

2. Enjoyment: “Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth” (Proverbs 5:18). “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled” (Hebrews 13:4).

3. Completeness: “And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man He made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man (Adam) said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:22-24).

4. Fruitfulness: “And God blessed them. And God said to them, Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it.” (Genesis 1:28). “Blessed is the man who fears the Lord, who greatly delights in his commandments! His offspring will be mighty in the land; the generation of the upright will be blessed” (Psalm 112:1-2).

5. Protection:

A. The husband is to protect the wife by laying down his life for her. “Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25). B. The wife is to protect the home. “Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled” (Titus 2:3-5).


6. Typify Christ and the Church: Marriage is to be a human object lesson of the divine relationship between Christ and believers. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church” (Ephesians 5:31-32).

7. Sanctification: “For this is the will of God, your sanctification” (1 Thessalonians 4:3) It will be readily acknowledged that living in close proximity with another person has a way of exposing our warts and bumps and bruises (in short, our sin). We see our own pride and selfishness in ways we can’t when isolated. God can and will use this to make us more like Jesus and to give us victory over indwelling sin.

8. Support and Trust: “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil….a threefold cord is not quickly broken” (Ecclesiastes 4:9,12). “An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain” (Proverbs 31:10-11).

9. Mutual Honor and Respect: “Husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel” (1 Peter 3:7). “Let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband” (Ephesians 5:33).

10. The Glory of God: “For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory forever. Amen” (Romans 11:36). “in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ” (1 Peter 4:11). This is the goal of everything, including marriage.

Love is missing someone whenever you're apart, but somehow feeling warm inside because you're close in heart.

A Simple Talk can Actually Fix things up.

Always Communicate with your Partner.

PART 6(FINAL)

"I left there and stopped visiting him but was in contact with his mom who involved his elder brothers and his uncle. I understood that they weren't interested in anything about him because of his bad attitude towards them. After some time, I involved my mom who helped me get a lawyer for him.

After so many back and forth for a month, he was granted bail,but his car still remained in police custody cos they said it would be auctioned and the money they realized would be sent to the hotel owner.

He became worse after he was bailed, started being unnecessarily aggressive and bitter. I was so mad at how ungrateful he was, I also felt it was because of his car so I begged my mom to help me pull some big strings which she did.

I already made up my mind that once I get his car out for him, I'd take a bow from that relationship for good. I was still in contact with him but started keeping my distance

I broke down from stress, my mum told me to stop appearing in court, that she'd pay the lawyer to follow up the case till the end.

After 7 months of back and forth at the court with the police, his car was released to him and he didn't even tell me. I found out when I called my lawyer to know the outcome of the previous seating and he told me that the car had been released a week ago.

It was at that point that I felt like something opened my eyes to see how stupid I've been all these while in the name of love and how selfish and ungrateful my boyfriend has been.

I felt like a used rag! I was so mad at myself for being so lazy to walk out of a relationship that was clearly draining me.

I returned his engagement ring back to him and told him I was done. He didn't apologize as usual because he felt I would always come back after leaving just the way I did thrice. Little did he know that my mind was made up.

I told my mom about my breakup, told her all the things I've gone through in his hands. She was shocked that I never told her all these while. I've always presented him as a good person to her and my siblings. I never complained to them.

After two months, he started calling me to apologize. He told his friends to beg me, telling me he was now a changed person etc. I stood my grounds that I was done.

It was like a movie to him. Next thing he started framing me to whoever cared to listen, told them that I cheated on him and dumped him because his money had finished. I heard all he said and kept my cool.

After 3 months I was surprised to get a call from his mom. She thanked me for all I did for them and her son particularly. She asked if I was still in contact with him and I said no and she told me bluntly to move on happily with my life, that I'm too good and his son doesn't deserve any bit of me, that even if he comes begging, I shouldn't listen to him.

I didn't expect those words from her at all, I thanked her and ended the call.

I took enough time to work on myself, attended relationship seminars, and started focusinf more on myself.

And I now love the new me. I now know to always put myself first in any relationship. After two years, I met the one who was meant for me and we got married.

My ex's mom and sister attended my wedding with gifts. They've also being in contact with me till today but we've not seen physically since then.

Telling this story now, I can't believe I was so naive to that extent and I wasted 3 whole years of my life. It wasn't even like I was desperate for marriage cos if it was the case, I would have allowed him go ahead with the marriage rites when he wanted to. I was just someone with a big heart that felt I could change him and make him a better man not knowing that some people never change.

Truth is so many women are like me and they end up in a hell of a marriage even after seeing this red flags with the hope of changing a man that doesn't want to be changed. At the end, it results to a broken marriage for those who have the courage to leave.

If I begin to narrate the love and peace I'm experiencing with my husband now, it's like a fairytale which I'm sure I would never have known if I had still remained with my ex. "

THE END

PART 5

"After my lectures the next day, I went to his uncle's house to check on him. The gateman told me that police came and arrested all of them and also took his car.

I received a call after two hours and it was from him. He begged me to come to state CID which I did. Reaching there, I found out that their village guy they went out with was a serial ex-convict and never went abroad as he told them.

What he did was to lure people he knew to a bar, he'd tell them to order whatever they wanted and would even give free drinks to everyone there. They'd order very expensive wine and the DJ would play dorime for the. Before you know it, he'd excuse himself and disappear.

He has been doing this for years and almost all big hotels in Owerri has had such experience with him.

He has been detained several times and released so he's like a popular criminal to the police officers.

This was the exact game he played on my boyfriend and his cousins.Their bill was 1.3 million naira that night. He wasn't caught, the police arrested just my boyfriend and his three cousins.

Unfortunately for my boyfriend, he was detained and his car also seized and deflated at the station.

His cousins were bailed by their uncle and father while my boyfriend was abandoned. If only he listened to all the while I persuaded him to awaken his relationship with his family. Nobody came for him because nobody knows anything about him.It was just me.

I kept bringing him food and managing his shop too plus school. It wasn't easy on me at all. Whenever I come to see me at the station, the officers there especially the female ones would always give me the insult of my life, referred to me as a criminal's girlfriend, and kept asking me why a beautiful girl like me would have anything to do with a criminal.

I told my boyfriend that I would involve his mom and siblings of what was going on. He refused and warned me never to try that.

I left and went straight to their house and told his mom and sister about it. They followed me to the station to see him. When the warder called him out, at the sight of his mom, he started shouting at me for bringing his mom. He turned to go inside after embarrassing his mom and the police officers there gave him the beating of his life for insulting his mom and I."

PART 4

"My mom was very mad at me for not listening to her after hearing my experience that night. She got me a new phone that same week and I retrieved my line. Luckily for me, my SIM was backed up so I didn't lose my contacts. I was still traumatized and never stopped cursing those robbers.

After 3 weeks, I got a call from an unknown number and it was my boyfriend. He told me that a guy came to his shop to play bet wearing my silver bracelet, wristwatch and my red T-shirt. I immediately called the police officer I met when we wrote our statement.

The policeman and his team responded swiftly, arrested the guy and then called me over to the station. I got there and saw my boyfriend with them. I identified my belongings and showed them a picture of me wearing those items on Facebook.

The boy was detained and after some days of torture, he gave them the information of his cohorts and they were arrested.

I paid and they were charged to court, after up to six different sittings in court, they were sent to prison. It was my first time of having anything to do with police and lawyers. I felt happy that justice was served.

My boyfriend came apologizing and I accepted. I found out that he had parked into one of his distant uncle's house instead of renting an apartment and he also fixed his car.

I asked why he chose to stay there and he said he'd stay there for a short time before getting his own place. I didn't object to it.

For the first time he agreed to come to my church. He came thrice after my persuasion and stopped. It wasn't long before he started cheating again.

One fateful day, I came to meet him at his uncle's place so we could go church. I met him dressing up with his uncle's cousins. I asked what the occasion was and he said they were going to hang out with one of their village guys that just came back from abroad.

I was skeptical about it and I reminded him that we were supposed to go to church. He picked offense and told me that I should stop disturbing him with church matters. They all entered his car and drove off.

That night I was so worried, I kept calling him to know if things were alright or atleast know if they got back safely and he didn't pick. "

PART 3

" He later started acting like a changed person. I started managing his shop to avoid him running it down again. Business started booming again and I began keeping late nights on a daily basis because we closed as late as 11-12am.

My mum noticed I was keeping late nights and warned me to stop, but I was too committed to make that business boom again, I didn't listen.

Semester ended and I packed my stuff to go home for holiday. I decided to first go to his shop and then go home from there after sales and also give him the key to my hostel so he could use it till I resume.

As usual we closed so late and on our way home we entered a bus not knowing they were robbers. They were all armed, took all the money we got that night, our phones, my handbag and all my belongings that I was supposed to go back home with.

I suggested going to his family house to lay our heads till the next morning since we had no money on us and his house was more close to us. Besides I was so cold and scared of meeting more harm that night. He refused!

With anger, I summoned courage and we had to trek a very long distance back to my hostel. It was then I realized that my key was in my handbag that I already lost.

I felt so frustrated and broke down in tears.

I knocked on one of my hostel mates and after a short explanation, she allowed me pass the night. That was my first and only time of being robbed. I couldn't sleep, I was in terrible fear till morning. It seemed to be a very long night. I didn't even talk to my boyfriend when I saw him, didn't even know where he slept.

As early as 6am, I was about going to make a statement at the nearest police station when I saw him lying close to the wall in deep sleep. I tapped him and asked him to follow me to the station.

We trekked to that place, wrote our statements and I took a drop back to my home(my mom paid)while he left for his shop."

PART 2

"Sometimes when I was with some money, I'd get a room for him in a hotel for him to go and have his bathe and sleep on a bed.

One day he told me he had lost his phone. I gave him mine and my mom bought me a new one. It wasn't long he lost it again and this time I told my mom and she gave me a new phone to gift him.

He called me as I was about leaving for lectures in the morning and begged me for some money. I told him I didn't have but can borrow from a friend.

After lectures, I went with food to his shop and didn't see him. He left his phone and it was ringing. After ringing several times, a message came in.

I read the message because it popped up on the screen. He got another girl pregnant and they were having a disagreement on what to do about it. He promised to send her money to get rid of the baby that evening which was the money he begged me to give him.

I confronted him and in defense he smashed his phone(the one my mom gave him)into pieces saying that I had no right to question him. I left in anger.

The more he wronged me, the more his condition worsened and I still remained in the relationship. I was too lazy to quit and start afresh with a totally different person. I didn't just want that stress of starting afresh. I thought of what people would say because a lot of people knew us as an item.

He never stopped with his cheating and lies. He would pick my phone, frame up one story and borrow huge amount of money from my friends without my consent, withdraw the money, and hide it from me.

It was easy to do so because I trusted him so much and he had access to my phone, ATM, passwords, pin etc

The day I found out was when his elder brother called me and was raising his voice over one 30k he lent me. I refuted his claim and he sent me screenshots of my chat with him, debit alert and my acknowledgement. I was shocked and confronted him. That's when i found out that up to 4 of my friends lent him money too.

I also found out that all those times he told me he lost his phone, he used them to play loverboy with his girlfriends.

To clear my name and retain my reputation, I had to pay those debts and I changed all my pin and passwords.

I still didn't break up with him, I was just too naive, lazy and still loved him."

Part 1
After writing jamb, I met a young guy in a bank and we became friends. Within a short time we started dating. He was still a student then, but he had a small car and a bet9ja shop at his village.

It wasn't up to 3 months, I got admission and he asked me to marry him. He was a very nice guy, so I accepted his proposal.

I got home and told my mom about him, she said she would need to see him before she'd say anything.

He then started making plans to marry me, but it didn't sit well with me so I told him I needed more time to get to know him and be sure I really want to marry him.

He said he was an Anglican but for over 6 months I knew him, he hasn't gone to church. Its always one story every Sunday. He doesn't even pray, doesn't own a Bible. When I tell him about my dreams, he'd say he doesn't believe in dreams.

He doesn't rapport with his family at all. He is the lastborn and his shop was just a stone throw to his family house but he'd go to his shop everyday and wouldn't enter his family house.

Even when he's sick, he would warn me never to inform his family. I began feeling really weird.

He would always drop me off in front of my gate anytime we go on a date, but he never agreed to come inside my compound to at least greet my mom or my siblings.

It almost became a problem between us one fateful day and he reluctantly came in that day and greeted my mom.

After almost a year and 6 months, a lady chatted me on Facebook and started telling me how my ex got her pregnant and abandoned her. She sent me screenshots of their chats as evidence.

From the screenshots, I deduced that it was that same day he proposed to me that he laid with her. I couldn't believe it. I confronted him and he didn't deny it. He told me he would take care of it and I didn't ask him about it again cos I decided to forget about it.

However he lost my trust and I was really mad inside of me.

That was the beginning of his woes. His business began to crash and his customers started owing him. He would even go to his shop and play bets until he ran into huge debts. He couldn't meet up with his weekly accounts so his account was blocked. I borrowed money from my friends thrice to unlock his blocked account.

His car engine broke down and he had no money to fix it. His house rent expired and he had no money to renew. I gave him money to renew it and he used it for betting. Landlord threw out his things for him and he parked them in his shop. I advised him to go and stay in his family house, he refused.

He started sleeping in his shop and had nowhere to bathe. He also didn't have money to feed. After lectures, I'd bring him food, get him neat clothes to wear and take the dirty ones to wash in my hostel."

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel

Hello Ade how are you? and Hello Ade what is your problem?, can be perceived in both a negative or positive light.
Take into cognizance that people are meant to understand what you say, and how you communicate. What you think in words may mar or make a relationship.
At all times you most ensure to keep a reasonable voice level,avoid shouting.
You don't need to scream to pass the message across.
Some persons might be oh! This person is too stubborn, I need to shout, maybe I am getting too soft or weak. The truth is that you can be authoritative plus command respect without shouting.
One thing you must know you don't just bark out command to people and expect everyone to carry them out.
Learn how best to communicate with various individuals as you meet them on daily basis.
Keep a positive attitude, try as much as possible to give a positive vibe will communicating.

You can talk with someone for years, everyday, and still, it won't mean as much as what you can have when you sit in front of someone, not saying a word, yet you feel that person with your heart, you feel like you have known the person forever.

I want to use this opportunity to wish a happy new month to the Admins and moderators of this great platform and I also want to say thank you for the monthly points and may God reward you all